I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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