I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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