you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
