i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
