Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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