i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
