You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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