Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
