I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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