I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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