Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
