Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
