One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
