I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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