Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
