I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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