3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
