I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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