I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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