there was a trapeze. enough said
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
