it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
40s are totally the cure
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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