I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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