I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
