I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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