dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
