So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
