Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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