I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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