A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
