He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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