A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
