I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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