just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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