During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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