Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
