She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
