the day after is always just damage control
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
