I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
