My underwear smells like fireworks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
