Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
