Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
