I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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