she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
