I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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