our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
