my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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