DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
