peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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