she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
