so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
