ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
