I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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