We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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