You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
